Dick DeVos Drops Out of Race for Governor

Says He's Buying the State of Michigan

(Ada, Michigan) In an unprecedented an­nouncement, Republican gubernatorial candidate Dick DeVos said today that he is dropping out of the race for Michigan gover­nor.

“I've spent over $13 million in advertising and I've only basically managed to tie Gov­er­nor Jennifer Granholm in opinion polls. That sucks. Because I'm a busi­ness­man, a job-­maker and a ‘decider,’ I've decided cut my losses and that it would be simply easier and cheap­er to buy Michi­gan than to buy the governor­ship.â€

Campaign representative John Truscott said that DeVos has been in secret negotiations since May with Federal officials over the purchase of the state and its sovereignty. An agreement is expected to be finalized in the next week once the Congress reconvenes. President George W. Bush is expected approve the deal.

DeVos would not discuss the sale price, but said that it was “reasonable, con­sider­ing I’m get­ting sovereignty too.†He refused to answer questions whether he would name himself CEO or king, “What difference does that make? I own the place.â€

Truscott added that buying the state seemed like the natural thing to do after Amway purchsed the Michigan Republican Party.

The sale marks the first time the United States has sold territory and sov­er­eign­ty to a private individual.

“I am appointing my wife, Betsy, to head the transition team and over the next few weeks Betsy will be appointing team members as the current gov­ern­ment is shut­down. I hope to have a new king­dom or cor­por­ate struc­ture in place by early next year. All I can say right now is that the new king­dom or cor­por­a­tion that will run the state will fol­low the time-tested principles of Amway and multi-level marketing,†said DeVos.

Devos’ wife is the former Michigan Republican Party chairperson.

Officials from the US Department of State would not return phone calls re­quest­ing com­ment. Rep­re­sen­ta­tives from the Department of the Treasury would not comment on the record, only saying, “Its all about the Benjamins, baby!†with­out at­tribu­tion.

DeVos denied reports that he would change the name of the state to “Michialticor,†“Michiamway,†“Amway-ity-ville†or just the “State of Dick.â€

Comments

[Nirmal]

lol!

[MichiganCaucus]

Thanks.

[City of Detroit Citywide Student Council Cember Traoney Harris]

He should have dropped out I know something about campaining he had no chance

[MichiganCaucus]

We'd like to believe that too, but, with pockets deeper than the Laurentian Abyss, he's still dangerous.

[JavaBlues]

Just found your site - wonderfull stuff!

[MichiganCaucus]

Thanks - be sure to check us out in about a week for our "open letter" to AG Mike Cox askin' questions about the whole Graceland Fruit affair. No - it's not THAT kind of affair.

[Council Member Traoney D. Harris]

I knew he would lose